Marriage Is Not An Option. Yet.

Chapter One

ileen, 1 amp Thorazine stat to Delgado at Rm. 354 please. Put in an FBC as well.”

“Yes, Doc.”

“And oh yeah, please ask who’s on call for a Surgery consult tonight? I think Alvarez in Rm. 351 is having a bowel obstruction… I hope it’s Elmer. He usually agrees with me.”

“Doc, I think Dr. Gonzales has already moved to Cagayan. Rumor has it one of the new surgery consultants will be taking his duty in the meantime.”

“Oh, damn. I hope it’ not one of those obsessed, conceited, chauvinistic jerks who usually undermine my intelligence, just because I’m a girl trying to survive in a so-called man’s world. As if we still need more surgeons in this world with God complexes.”

Aileen hid her grin behind the chart she was carrying.

I smiled back. “Yeah, I know. I might as well have described myself… Sorry, I’m not in a really good mood today. The Lobectomy with Sanchez took a lot longer than I wanted to and I’m still waiting to see if he’ll pull through.”

“You always do a great job, Doc.”

I pouted, still not particularly satisfied with her compliment. “Yeah, thanks. But I can only do so much.” I sighed, and yawned garishly. “I need to sleep… I’ll just check in with Renaldi for a little while then I’ll head up to the Conference Room for some shut-eye, okay? Call me if there’s any referral.”

I walked out from behind the Nurse’s Station and peeped into Rm. 339. Given the time, I was expecting to see the patient sleeping peacefully. Instead, I found him propped comfortably in his bed, his head bandaged, a bright purple bruise in his right jaw, the right half of his face still little swollen, one arm in an arm sling and the other trying to maneuver the buttons of the TV remote control as one casted leg hang from the traction machine. As soon as he saw me, a bright smile came upon his face and the nostalgia crept in full-force like an unwanted visitor you can’t get out of your house.

“I was wondering the whole day what time you’ll drop by. If I only knew, I would have dressed up.”

I laughed. “Yeah, good luck trying to put on a shirt and pants with one hand.”

“On the other hand, wearing nothing but this scandalous hospital gown and gray briefs may come in handy,” he retorted back, winking saucily at me as he gave me one of his wickedly naughty grins.

“Oh, I just love having quickies with my patients!” I joked back, “I don’t even mind that they’re married with three kids!”

He laughed heartily as he patted the side of his bed, indicating that I sit beside him. As I took my seat and felt some familiar tingling at the core of my chest, I thought of how I must be out of my mind, flirting with one of my patients. And a married one, as a matter of fact. No, correction, divorced. But with three kids who apparently live with him. But it was just easy, damn too easy as a matter of fact, to lose myself in the flirty banter, considering the history that this patient and I had together… David Renaldi. Who would have thought he would end up becoming one of my patients? I would have thought he would have ended up in the US, working as a nurse, probably living with his mother, happily married with a wife, a dog and two point three kids. And I certainly wouldn’t end up seeing him again. But apparently, I was wrong.

It was five days ago. I was going into the second half of my 24-hour-shift. I had just gotten out of the OR after putting in a VP shunt for Manuel, one of my recent Hydrocephalus patients, and was now waiting for the lab results for one of my patients, when I got a call from James Mancao, my junior resident.

“Oh, James, what’s up?”

“Doc, there’s a patient here, 32 y/o male, VA, referred by Ortho. Kinda lethargic and disoriented but I think the alcohol’s also got something to do with that. GCS is 12. X-ray’s vague so I ordered for a CT. Looks like Epidural Hemorrhage to me but I’d like you to see him for sure. We’re on our way to Radiology.”

“Okay, change the CT order to with contrast. I’ll catch up with you at Radio.”

I was rubbing the sleep in my eyes, yawning, as I walked towards the elevator when I bumped into some guy.

“Oh, sorry,” I blurted out absentmindedly and continued walking.

“[Mistress]?”

I turned back to the guy I bumped into and was surprised to see a familiar face from way back years ago.

“Oh my God! George?!”

He smiled. “Hey, you still remember my name!”

“Hello! What do you think of me? I never forget a face… What are you doing here?”

“You wouldn’t believe this. David—“

I could feel my heart leap as I heard the familiar name after so many years. I couldn’t even contain the excitement nor feign a little indifference. God, being single and unmarried at 34 is really starting to take its toll on me. “David? How’s David? I haven’t seen him for so long. He must be, what? Thirty-one now?”

“Well, actually, he and his brother got into a vehicular accident. His brother was driving and they were both drunk. They crashed in some stupid highway.”

“Oh, my God! Are they okay?”

“His brother just got a few bruises but David, well, it looks pretty bad. They’re bringing him in for CT right now.”

The wheels started clicking in my mind. 32 year old male. VA. Drunk. Epidural hemorrhage. Radiology. “Oh, God.” I held onto George’s arm as I felt myself close to fainting. “He’s my patient.”

“What the — oh, hell. But, Dr. Mancao… This is so—“

“I’m his senior resident… Yeah, I know…. Damn. Let’s go to Radio and see him.”

George and I barely had time to reacquaint ourselves and deal with the usual niceties of seeing a friend one hasn’t seen in a long while. Our minds were too preoccupied with the fact that David, his cousin and my friend from way back, was in pretty bad shape. We didn’t even talk anymore. As the elevator door closed in on us, I prayed that I was wrong, that David wasn’t the patient my junior was referring me to. When we rushed towards Radiology and I found James behind the computer monitor, I knew then that all the praying didn’t help. David is my patient.

“How does it look, James?”

“It is Epidural Hemorrhage. See here?,” he remarked, pointing a finger to the ® temporal area. “Looks like his ® meningeal vessels are all busted up. But thankfully, it seems like everything’s localized. A simple hematoma evacuation and I think he’ll be alright.”

I scanned the CT fairly quickly. “Wait! Look at this thing right here.” I pointed to his ventricular area. “There’s some narrowing of the lateral ventricles. Fairly negligible but we might have to consider either some fracture or contrecoup injury… Now, here, there’s some fracture on the ® temporal area. You almost missed it.”

“Oh, God. How could I have missed that?”

“Hey, hey… That’s okay. It’s not too clear anyway. Besides, we would’ve seen this once we operated on him anyway… Put him in Mannitol then, prep him for OR stat. Call Anesth for pre-op. Tell them, Stat means less than five minutes or else I’m calling the Department Head.”

James looked at me, his eyes wide open, the surprise evident in his expression. Although like any other surgeon, I was frustrated with how the residents in Anesthesiology took a long time to do their pre-op despite the stat referral, he knew that I wasn’t usually this ornery with them. “Doc, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You don’t seem like your usual self. Maybe you need some sleep. I know you just finished with the VP shunting.”

“No, no, I’m okay, James… It’s just… I need to do this now. I know this guy.”

“Oh. Is he a relative of yours?”

“No. He was my ex-boyfriend.”

Yup. There it was. The unspoken word. David, the ex-boyfriend. I was going to be operating on my ex-boyfriend. Imagine the irony in that and the responsibility that now hung on my very hands. I was going to be messing up with my ex-boyfriend’s brain. I was now going to be responsible for whether my ex-boyfriend will be able to wipe his own ass after defecating for the next few years. Suddenly, I felt myself doubting my own capabilities. Could I do this? Wouldn’t it just be easier to break down and call for an emergency referral to my consultant? I can always tell him it’s a matter of ethics, that one surgeon should not be operating on someone she had been emotionally involved with in the past. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind… Still, I knew that was the cowardly way out and I wouldn’t be able to perform my other duties well anyway if I didn’t know for myself how David was doing. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I gave up this chance to help him and he died, when I knew I could’ve done something instead of dropping his case to the next guy and whiling my hours away waiting for him to get out of the recovery room.

How could I not remember David? David was a guy my classmates had set me up with back in my medical student days. I remember it fairly well. We were in our last year in medical school, at the community immersion, when Greg and Jerald had brought him and George to our house in the mountains. I hated being set up. So, naturally, I tried to ignore the guy. But he was friendly and he did his best to make me feel at ease and eventually, we ended up hanging together the entire time. By the end of the night, he was holding my hands. There was instant chemistry between us, since we both had the same values and principles in life. He was nice, funny and he knew how to make a girl feel special. I was embarrassed with how my classmates were sending knowing glances our way so I pretended that the fact that he was younger than me by two years was something I just couldn’t accept. But truth is, I liked him and I just didn’t want to be disappointed in case he didn’t like me as much as I liked him.

From then on started the extremely long courtship. Although we both went our separate ways, we occasionally found ourselves seeing each other from time to time. Months would pass and then he would find himself at our community or I would find myself vacationing in his province or he would visit me at our city. Eventually, the long distance took its toll in our relationship, and three years after that first encounter, during one of his visits at my hometown, we decided to break things off and vowed to stay friends. Of course, none of us really took that last part seriously because we lost touch soon after and one week after that day, I saw him kissing some girl at some bar. I, on the other hand, had still continued seeing my boyfriend back then, another doctor that I had been dating since my third year in medical school.

Yes, the whole relationship with David was actually a farce. For the truth was, David never knew that he was a third party. A Number Two. My so-called mistress.

Yeah, my lovelife was pretty screwed up back then. So sue me.

As I looked at him now, grinning at me wickedly, I couldn’t help smiling. I was really glad to see that he was okay and that I was the reason for that. All throughout the operation, I kept the tears at bay and managed to perform the evacuation efficiently, checking and double checking, cleaning and then recleaning. James just clucked his tongue when I obsessed about the placement of the Penrose drain that we were putting into David’s skull. It wasn’t until after the operation that I walked out, leaving James to close up, and locked myself in the dressing room as I let the tears flow freely in my eyes. And now that I know he’s going to be fine, I didn’t even notice the tears slowly falling down my cheeks, not until David took my face in his hands and wiped them away.

“Hey, are you crying?”

I wiped the tears hastily. “Oh, shit, I—“

He smiled. “Come here and give me a hug, [Mistress]. It’s been a long time.”

And so I did. And when I hugged him, everything that I had kept since our paths had crossed again just came pouring out. The anger, the fear, the hurt. “Damn you, David, I was so scared… You scared me… How could you let your brother drive drunk and put both of yourselves in jeopardy? Do you know I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to save you? You know better… I was so afraid… You goddamn son of a —“

He just held me and continued rubbing my back, as if soothing a sobbing child who just woke up from a really bad nightmare. “Shhhh… I’m okay now. Thanks to you. You were really great… I can’t thank you enough… I owe you my life.”

“That was a really dumb move to let yourself get a-almost killed.”

“Yeah, I know… But hey, at least, it gave me the opportunity to see each other again.”

“Yeah. With you practically in your deathbed.”

“Where you tried to save me.”

“And what if I wasn’t able to?”

“Well, you did.”

“I mean, what if I never got to —“

“[Mistress], you know what?”

“What?”

“You talk too much.”

And his lips swooped into mine in a kiss. A kiss stolen by the hands of time, branded by the years that we had forgotten, the feelings that have been left unexplored. I knew that it was unethical. He was my patient and I was his doctor, for god’s sake. But in those few stolen minutes, I jut wanted to lose myself in the kiss and feel beautiful and wanted the way only he used to make me feel back then.

When I felt the rough cloth of his sling brush against my chest, I was jerked viciously back into reality. I reluctantly tore my lips away from him and stood up. “I, uhmmm…”

“Don’t tell me some bullshit story about how that shouldn’t have happened.”

“Well, I…”

“Because we both knew this was going to happen.”

“No, I—“

“As soon as I woke up and George told me you were my doctor, I just knew… And I had so looked forward to it, knowing you wouldn’t disappoint me.”

“David, I—“

“And you truly didn’t.”

I started pacing back and forth infront of his bed. “David, there are things…”

“You know we’re good together, [Mistress].”

“I, uhmmm… uhmmm…”

“Doctor [Mistress]?”

The loud knock from one of the staff nurses as she came into the room made both of us jump. There goes reality check number two.

“I uhmmm… I’d better go. I’ll check up on you again tomorrow, Mr. Renaldi.”

He knew I was going to be avoiding him from now on. He could sense it. He didn’t say anymore word and just tuned me out as he continued flipping through the buttons of the TV remote, not even acknowledging my presence as I left his room with the nurse.

“What is it, Mich?”

“The surgery consult you requested is now at Rm. 351. He asked to see you.”

“Okay thanks, Mich.”

As I walked towards Rm. 351, my mind was still reeling from what happened with David a while ago. Dammit, he was right. I knew this was eventually going to happen. I knew it as soon as they had reeled him out of the recovery room and I knew that he was going to be okay. It was inevitable. I knew it even after during one of my visits, when he was still too lucid to be alert, George told me David had gotten married four years ago and then separated recently, but not without taking in the responsibility of taking care of his three children… Dammit, I’ve always believed relationships with your exes were supposed to be closed books best left to rot and be consumed by dust in your topmost shelf. How the hell was I going to deal with this now?

God, I need a drink. And sleep. And probably sex as well. Lots and lots of it.

But since I still had a few hours to kill before my shift ends and I can finally get at least one of the three, I decided not to think about all that for now and immersed myself with the duty at hand. Mr. Alvarez has been under my care for two weeks now. Spinal cord injury, T6 level. He was a cop who was running after three guys during a drug bust when one of them shot him from the back, hitting one of his thoracic vertebrae and paralyzing his lower extremities in the process. I was hoping the news from the surgery consult wouldn’t be too bad. His family could barely accept the fact that he was going to be paralyzed from now on, what more if he had to undergo another operation to clear out a possible intestinal obstruction.

“Hello, lasa.”

I woke up from the deep thoughts and jerked my head towards the owner of the voice that said those very familiar endearments. Lasa, meaning love in Tausug, a pet name that I haven’t heard for a long time, one used to me way back, a long time ago, by only one person, my very first non-Catholic boyfriend.

Michael Alameda.

“Oh. My. God.”

Talk about meeting David in the other room and seeing Michael in another. It was like year 2007 once again… God, is this some kind of a joke? If it is, this is really done in poor taste, you know.

I rubbed my eyes viciously. “I’m not just imagining seeing you, right?”

“No. It’s really me, lasa.”

“Michael…”

“Smile for me, lasa. I would’ve thought you’d be happy to see me.”

That boyish appeal. God, I had almost forgotten how beguilingly charming Michael could be. I found myself smiling. Yes, despite everything, I really was glad to see him again.

“You’re here?”

He laughed. “Yes.”

I giggled, – yes, giggled – like some freakin’ schoolgirl. He had that effect on me. I moved to him closer, hugged him briefly and was about to give him a quick peck on the cheek when he turned his head and caught my lips instead. The contact was brief but my lips sizzled and I felt a nostalgic flood of emotions come rushing back to me.

He laughed, knowing what I had intended to do, and looked at me unabashedly, as if he wanted me to know that what just happened was certainly not accidental.

“Still taking advantage of younger women, I suppose.”

“Nahhh… only with you.”

Mr. Alvarez looked at the two of us, his eyes twinkling, a huge question mark in his face. Yeah, I wonder how this all looked like from his point of view, two doctors flirting garishly with each other. It was then that I realized what Michael was doing here.

“Oh, God. You’re the surgery consult!”

He grinned. “At your service.”

“But, how— Aren’t you supposed to be in Cotabato?”

“I just moved back to Manila a couple of weeks ago. I’ve set up a clinic near MCU. Dr. Dominguez, one of my brothers from the old fraternity, offered me this position and so I decided to take it.”

“But, my God, you… In the same hospital with me… Imagine the coincidence.”

“Serendipity, lasa. I think that’s what they call it.”

I laughed. “Yeah, right.”

Mr. Alvarez must have been really dying of curiosity by now because he couldn’t help himself from not interrupting us anymore. “You two know each other?”

I laughed. “Sorry, Mr. Alvarez. Michael and I kinda lost ourselves back there for a while. We knew each other from way back. We were both from Cagayan and he was my senior resident during my medical clerkship.”

“She was my girlfriend.”

I slapped Michael’s arm affectionately as I felt a blush crept into my face. “Michael!”

“Well, it is true. No sense pussy-footing around that fact… I’m sure Mr. Alvarez sensed it anyway. Didn’t you, Mr. Alvarez?” he asked, winking naughtily at my patient, like two guys bonding over some lascivious comment over some big-breasted bimbo.

Mr. Alvarez laughed. “I had a feeling.”

“Okay, before we forget ourselves, how’s Mr. Alvarez doing? You read my referral, right?”

“Yeah. It does look like colonic obstruction but I’d have to do an X-ray of the abdomen to see if we need to operate. For now, I’d suggest daily enema. Hopefully it’ll clear up in a few days. I think it’s just a parasympathetic reaction to the spinal injury. For now, we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Mr. Alvarez peered at us uncertainly. “Is that good?”

“Yes, that’s good,” I assured him. “For now. But we still have to do an X-ray to be sure, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, Mr Alvarez,” Michael started as he slung an arm around my shoulders and I felt myself encased in the scent of his familiar perfume, “If you’ll excuse us, I need to catch up with my ex-girlfriend.”

I blushed. “Michael!”

He grinned lasciviously. “[Mistress]!”

We were both laughing as we left Mr. Alvarez’ room. “Come on, let’s go to the cafeteria and get something to drink. It’s been a long time,” he remarked, as he caressed one of my hands between his own… Oh, those overly familiar feelings were really coming on full-blast. And I was actually liking it, when I know I shouldn’t. And I know I should run the other way right now, but I find myself totally unable to.

“I have to check on a few patients first —“

He gripped my hand tight. “Oh, no, you don’t. You’re not bailing out on me. Tara na, let’s go.”

I laughed. “I am not gonna bail out on you! Why don’t you go ahead and I’ll meet you at the café in half an hour?”

“Okay… But if you’re not there in 30 minutes, I’m coming back up here to fetch you myself.”

“Okay, okay…” I told him, grinning as I walked towards the conference room. I absentmindedly scanned through a few of my patients’ charts, my mind wandering off as I checked through James’ written orders… My God, Michael. Who would have ever thought I’d see him again after what? Eight years?

This calls for an emergency phone call.

I clicked on my videophone and immediately dialed Janice’s number.

“Hello?” her sleepy voice answered. I checked on my watch. 1 am in the morning. Crap.

“Hoy, pare.”

“[Mistress], don’t you know what time it is?”

“Sorry, pare. I didn’t realize what time it is. You asleep?”

“Heller! Obvious ba?”

“Sorry lang… Emergency kasi… Michael’s here.”

“Michael who?”

“The Michael.”

“Oh my God… What the hell is he doing there? Isn’t he supposed to be in Cotabato?”

“Yeah. Supposedly… Imagine my surprise to find out he’s the new surgery consultant for one of my patients. We met accidentally when I was doing my rounds.”

“God… so, how is he?”

“Good. Better than before. But still malandi.”

“And how are you?”

“Scared.”

She laughed. “And why is that? Is he still single?”

“I have no idea. I’m supposed to meet him for coffee in a few minutes.”

“Hmmm… Coffee lang, ha?”

“Bruha! I’m not that same old girl anymore… What am I gonna do?”

“Go. Catch up. If he’s married, you know what to do. If he’s not, well, the possibilities are endless.”

“Loka… are you telling me I should sleep with him?”

“ Hay naku… the decision is up to you.”

I whined. “Na, Janice…”

“My goodness, [Mistress]… Are you trying to tell me you still like him? After all these years?”

“I don’t know…”

“Naku…”

“Yeah, I know, I know…”

“It’s your call, girl. You know he was incapable of commiting back then. Who knows if the years have changed him or not? But, in the first place, bakit mo ba pinoproblema yan? For all we know, he’s happily married… Go. Have coffee with him. Then decide from there… Basta, details sa akin later, ha?”

I laughed. “Okay, okay… Sorry to disturb you again.”

“Okay lang. I owe you one anyway after that night I asked you to pick me up at Ermita because I was too drunk to drive myself home.” It was the night after she found out her long-time ex-boyfriend had gotten his brother’s girlfriend pregnant.

“Hehehe…”

“O siya… I need to sleep pa. I’m on duty tomorrow.”

“Thanks, pare.”

“Update mo na lang ako later.”

“Okay. Thanks again. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I sighed as I put the phone down. Time to face the dragon, [Mistress]. I walked towards the elevator, my fingers feeling heavy as I pushed the button for the 1^st floor, where the cafeteria was… Flashbacks of secret moments with Michael from way back kept running through my mind. How he would occasionally hold my hand while driving, how he would swoop down for a quick kiss whenever he catches me alone in the PGI quarters, the mischievous way he winked at me whenever other people were around. And interspersed in between were the times he told me that this girl or that girl was texting him, that he was going to meet his ex-girlfriend who was coming for a visit, the tales I heard of him giving some volunteer girl a Guess watch. The Michael, the one who couldn’t keep his pants up, who couldn’t turn down any girl, who couldn’t stay away from temptation, who was incapable of commitment.

The same Michael who was waiting for me right outside the elevator.

“Why didn’t you wait for me at the cafeteria?”

He grinned. “And give you the chance to back out?”

I grinned. “And why should I do that? I’m not afraid of you.”

“I had a feeling that you had second thoughts about meeting me.”

I laughed and changed the topic. “Let’s go inside.”

He got a tall order of green Iced Tea while I got a tall coffee Macciato for myself. He was never much of a coffee guy, if I remember it correctly, saying the tremors brought out by the caffeine interferes with his surgical skills. He beat me in the payment of our orders as well, and we spent a few minutes, haggling over the bill. In the end, I gave in… Well, I was saving up for a new car for my parents anyway so, it was okay.

“So, how are you? You married?”

“No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Hindi nga.”

“How come?”

“Haven’t come across the right guy for the job, I guess.”

“You’re too idealistic na ata ngayon, [Mistress].”

“Hay… siguro nga. You?”

“Divorced three years ago. With two boys. The eldest one is living with me, the youngest with his mother.”

“How old are they?”

He took out his wallet and showed me their pictures. “Abdel’s five. This one’s Ahmad. He’s four.”

“How cute. They have your hair.”

He laughed. “Yeah. Unfortunately for them.”

“Why did you get divorced?”

“I don’t know. We had nothing more to say to each other, I guess.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Hay naku, knowing you, malamang infidelity yung dahilan.”

He laughed. “In fairness, I did try to behave. But during the last few years we were together, we just got bored with each other. It was a mutual decision.”

“I see.”

“So, how about you? I can’t believe you’re not married yet… You look great, by the way,” he added, winking at me.

I laughed. “Thanks… I guess I came close to that too many times. I’ve been engaged twice, since the last time we saw each other. No, make that thrice. But there was just none that gave me that extra push to head towards the altar.”

“None talaga?”

“Well, I didn’t believe in settling for something less.”

“Sige ka. You’ll end up a spinster.”

“Huwag naman.”

He laughed. “Tayo na lang?”

“And end up divorced after a few years or so? Huwag na!”

He laughed. “Ikaw talaga… You know I missed you.”

“Yeah, well, I missed you too.”

“If you were willing back then, I would have married you.”

My heart couldn’t help doing flip-flops. “Then why didn’t you ask me to?”

“I knew you weren’t ready for marriage yet.”

“Yeah… True.” I thought back to that time. I was 26 and still having the time of my life. Aside from David, I was dating other guys on the side, a nurse and an emergency technician. I was having a blast back then, committing to no one, free to see and sleep with anyone I wish. I have long accepted the fact that Michael was neither committed to me as well so I played around as well, with anyone willing to play with me. Suffice it to say, I had no scruples back then. I went out, dated around, slept with anyone who was as attracted to me as I was to them. I broke just as many hearts as those who had broken my own. And what did I end up with now? Nothing. Still the same old discontentment that I had been feeling back then.

“For a hospital cafeteria, this is pretty good Iced tea though,” Michael replied, as looked at me thoughtfully.

I smiled, glad that he was sensitive enough to change the topic. “Yeah. And the company makes it all the more better.”

“I’ll drink to that.”

I clinked my cup to his. “Cheers.”

Yes, I might deny it as much as I could, but I was honestly glad to see Michael again…

God, I am so screwed.

Chapter Two

re you aware that there’s a cute but short guy checking you out shamelessly from the Surgery consultants table?” my bestfriend, Kai Dominguez, a co-resident, whispered to me from behind me as we piled for lunch at the cafeteria.

I turned around and found Michael, surrounded by the other Surgery residents, looking at me. He winked and I smiled before I turned around again to hide the blush that had crept on my face.

I laughed. “Oh, him.”

“Seriously. Did he just wink at you?”

“He’s the new Surgery consultant from Cotabato. I knew him from way back. He was my resident in Cagayan de Oro.”

“Oh. My. God. You slept with him!”

I rolled my eyes. “And how the hell did you come up with that conclusion?”

“I could sense it… Why? Are you actually going to deny it?”

“Okay, fine. I did sleep with him. It was nothing. He’s part of my past.”

Kai laughed as we grabbed the nearest table, thankfully, one that was quite far from Michael’s hearing distance. “You’re that girl.”

“What girl?”

“Every batch of medical students always has that one girl who sleeps with her professors. Remember Gray’s Anatomy? You’re that girl. You’re the Meredith Gray of your batch.”

“I was not. I slept with one resident. Big fucking deal.”

“Oh, yes you are. You slut.”

“Quiet! He was my boyfriend for almost two years. It was expected.”

“Oh. My God… Does Clark know?”

Clark… Now, why the hell did I forget about Clark? One look at Michael and somehow my boyfriend for three years and fiancée for two months was practically forgotten. How the hell could I not have mentioned him to Michael yesterday?

“Not yet. I haven’t told Clark yet.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know. It’s not like I’m going to start something with Michael again.”

“But will you?”

“I don’t know. Does he have to?”

“Considering that you are working in the same hospital with one of your ex-boyfriends and there is a huge possibility that you will be bumping into each other frequently, your boyfriend definitely has the right to know.”

“I don’t think an ex-boyfriend popping into my workplace is that big of a deal. Why should I tell him now?”

“Maybe because of the fact that you are engaged to Clark now.”

“How does that change the situation?”

Kai threw a piece of bread at me. “You are one very screwed up girl, you know that. No wonder you’re not married.”

“But I will be. In four months.”

“Not if you don’t tell Clark. And he catches you sleeping with that guy.”

“Who said I was going to sleep with him again?”

“Honey, you’re a great friend and I love you. But truthfully, you have a very destructive personality. Just when you have something perfect going on in your life, you have this tendency to screw things up.”

“I do not.”

“I’m your bestfriend. I see things you don’t.”

I sulked, protesting her in silence. Of course, that didn’t stop Kai from mouthing off. “You know, he is cute though. A little too short for my taste, but still cute. I can see why you would like him.”

“That’s because you’re 5’10”, you dumb ass.”

“Maybe so… Oh, fuck you, [Mistress]. Why the hell are these guys from your past suddenly popping back into your life? First David, now him. “

“I don’t know. I’m just lucky, I guess.”

“If I were Clark, I’d be very very frightened.”

“If you were Clark, we’d be skipping lunch right now and —“

“Okay, okay. Spare me the details, please. I’m eight months pregnant and my husband hasn’t touched me in four weeks. Don’t make me jealous.”

I laughed and flicked a piece of bread on her head.

Chapter Three

efore every surgery, I had this habit of going up to the rooftop for a quick smoke to relax the nerves. When I finally found my way upstairs and was about to light my cigarette, I realized that I wasn’t the only one with the same idea.

Michael was there.

“Hey.”

“Hey, you.”

“Still haven’t quit smoking?”

“Nahhhh… Old habits die hard.”

He was facing me, watching me intently as I took my first puff. And my second. My third. And my fourth. I, in turn, refused to be intimidated by his look, so I shamelessly stared at him as well.

The silence was deafening.

“Okay. I know you’re thinking about it, and I can’t deny that I’m thinking about it as well. So, why don’t you come here and let’s just get this over with, shall we?”

He grinned as we both flicked off our cigarettes, grabbed each other close and kissed passionately. My fingers busily ran through his hair while his hands clawed through my back. It was one hell of a kiss – wet, hot, steamy. He still definitely has it. And when we parted, we were both panting heavily.

“You are still one hell of an amazing kisser.”

“Why thank you, doctor. You’re not so bad yourself.”

He was still clutching me in his arms and I was still grabbing on the lapels of his blazer when we heard footsteps on the stairs. Someone was coming. I backed off hurriedly.

A few seconds later, a familiar face popped out from the doorway.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

“Clark, hey.”

I guiltily walked up to Clark and kissed him quickly on the cheek, a little afraid that the he might smell the perfume from Michael’s body which had probably rubbed off on me.

“You found me.”

“Yes.”

“This is… ahmmm… Dr. Michael Alameda.”

“Hey, Doc… You also a Neurosurgeon?”

“No, General Surgery…” he answered, as he shook hands with Clark. He then looked at me questioningly. “So you two are…?”

“Clark is my fiancee.”

“Oh, I see… Congratulations, man.”

Clark grinned. “Hey, thanks.” He then, turned to me, affectionately touching my back, and burying his face on my neck, “Baby, you smoked again?”

Clark has always been nice to me that he was one of those boyfriends I could never bring myself to lie to. Not confess, yes, but lie, no. “Yes.”

Clark turned to Michael. “I’m trying to make her quit.”

He smiled. “Good luck.”

“I’m sorry,” I told him apologetically.

“You’re stressed?” He knows I’ve quit but I occasionally slip during stressful situations.

“It’s nothing,” I told him, kissing him on the cheek affectionately.

“ I brought you lunch.”

“Really? Wow… what is it?” Being head of a family-owned corporation that manages a multitude of music bars and food establishments around Metro Manila, he had more time in his hands compared to me. Because of that, lately, he was using his spare time to learn how to cook, since apparently, I wouldn’t be able to be the one to do the cooking for us because of my busy schedule.

“Pasta.”

“Oh, wow… Na, I have surgery in 10 minutes.”

“Oh. I’ll wait till you’re done then.”

“It’s my first Transsphenoidectomy. I’m assisting Dr. Silvano. It might take too long. At least an hour and a half.”

“Oh. I can’t wait that long. I’ve got a meeting with some Taiwanese investors in an hour… I left the food at your table though.”

“Okay, then.”

“I’ll just see you later.”

“Okay.”

He gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “Bye.”

“Take care.”

And he was gone. Once again, I was made aware that Michael had been watching us the whole time.

“You seriously aren’t gonna marry him?”

“Is that a question or a statement?”

“Oh, come on, [Mistress].”

I faced him, a bit annoyed at his insinuation. “And why the hell not?”

“He’s totally wrong for you.”

“He adores me. That’s enough.”

“If you simply wanted a guy who adores you, you would have been married a long time ago.”

“What the hell are you trying to say, Michael?”

“He’s Chinese. You’re not. Aren’t guys from Chinese families very much into their own kind, to the point that they will exclude those who are not Chinese?”

“Clark doesn’t mind that I’m not. And his parents seem to like me.”

“He does not seem like the most affectionate type… Very buff though, so I’m hoping he’s at least affectionate when being intimate in private.”

“Trust me. He has his affectionate moments.”

“You two look incredibly awkward together.”

“We do not.”

“He’s too buff, you’re too voluptuous.”

I laughed sarcastically. “I’d like my offsprings to be seen as human sex objects.”

“You’ll get crushed being hugged by him.”

“He can kick your ass.”

“He’s too fair.”

I rolled my eyes. “What the hell are you trying to do, Michael? Play games with me again? I’m marrying him. We love each other. He’s good enough for me. End of the story… Like I told you, I’m not that same girl you slept with years ago.”

“I know. But I know you. You’re like me. You get bored easily. And that guy… he’s already boring you. You’re just too scared to admit it.”

“Go to hell.”

“I can see it, even when you can’t see it. You’re already bored with him.”

“And what the hell do you want me to do? Break up with him? He has quit his fooling around days and took me seriously. Me! Me, who hasn’t had a relationship last for more than three years. Me, who slept with any Tom, Dick or Harry who shows any interest. Me, a 36 year old doctor who might just end up single, alone and unmarried for the rest of my life, if he didn’t save me.”

“Save you? God, you’re selling yourself too short. I thought you weren’t gonna settle for anything less. That’s what you told me before.”

“Who said he was less?”

“You are worth more than what he deserves.”

“Screw you, Michael. He treated me way better than you ever did.”

“I know. And that’s what’s so tragic about it… That the wrong guy for you treats you better than the right one ever did… Go ahead, [Mistress]. Marry him. And sooner or later, one day, you’ll wake up and realize that you’re trapped. And you’ll start blaming him, hating him so much for putting you in this predicament. And that’s when you’ll realize that I was right after all.”

“Oh, boohoo. Don’t compare my situation to your failed marriage.”

“Maybe I am. But you forgot, we’re the same, you and I. If you do marry him, you will end up just like me.”

“Fuck you,” I told him as I stormed off away from him, the lapels of my blazer flying madly as I dashed for the stairs, in a hurry, before he catches me with the tears that had started falling down my face.

Chapter Four

ita, how many bones are there in the body?” my exuberant five year old niece, Shane, asked as she followed me into the Doctor’s Quarters,

“Eight hundred and six.”

“How come the skin on my hand gets all wrinkly after taking a bath?”

“Because the skin sucks up all that moisture.”

“How come Gino has a penis and I don’t?”

The other doctors, who were just about to leave the quarters, couldn’t help overhearing my niece and ended up laughing. Even I, despite my initial embarrassment, couldn’t help but laugh myself. I was babysitting my niece and my nephew for the day, as a favor to my sister and her husband who were celebrating their 6^th year anniversary today. Because I had some patient’s census that I forgot to file the other day, I decided to bring them to the hospital for a short while before I haul them up to the mall for some shopping. Shane, the older of the two, was being her loud boisterous curious little self while Gino, her two-year-old brother was quietly sleeping in the stroller.

“Because he’s a boy and you are not.”

“But Tita, how come— how come—”

“Ay!!! Are these your sister’s kids?” Kai came in, shreaking when she saw them. Kai was a major freak for kids. If she wasn’t pregnant yet, I bet she’d be threatening her husband for one.

“Shhh… Not so loud. Gino’s sleeping.”

“Oooohhh…” she gushed on Gino’s sleeping form.

Shane pulled on Kai’s blazer. “Is that a pillow under your tummy?” she asked.

Kai and I laughed.

“Oh, [Mistress], your niece’s adorable. Let me kidnap her for a few minutes. I wanna show her off at the 2^nd floor.”

I rolled my eyes and squatted down to face my niece and arrange her jacket. “Shane, you wanna go with your Tita Kai for a while?”

“How about Gino?”

“He’s sleeping.”

“Okay.”

“You behave, okay? Don’t ask Tita Kai to carry you because she’s pregnant. And don’t go bugging the other patients, okay?”

“Okay,” she answered.

“Grab on to my hand, kid. Let’s screw up the old hags from the Radiology department and tell them you’re my first-born from a teenage pregnancy.”

“Okay,” she answered, “What’s p-preg-pregnacy?” I heard her asking as she and Kai walked out of the room. I hid a grin. Let Kai handle the never-ending questions of her curious five-year-old mind. It would be good practice for her anyway.

I was peeping at Gino’s sleeping form when another familiar voice entered the room.

“Is that yours?”

I turned around and found myself eye to eye with Jake, former medical school classmate and a senior resident at the Orthopaedics Department.

“Dumbass. You know very well I’ve never been pregnant.”

“What do I know?” he joked. “You could have hidden him from us during one of your fat phases.”

“Jerk.”

He laughed heartily as he poured himself a coffee from the machine.

“You’re on duty today?”

“From duty… Hey, I saw Dr. Michael Alameda here the other day.”

“Yeah. He’s the new surgery consultant.”

“Didn’t you guys have a thing back then?”

I never admitted it to any of my classmates back then and will neither start doing so. “Of course not.”

“Oh, yes you did.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“Oh, come on, admit it.”

“Go to hell, Jake.”

“We always assumed you guys just kept it from us.”

“Well, you were wrong.”

“Hello? It was past. You can admit it to me, you know.”

“I’m not going to.”

“So there was a thing?”

“No.”

“[Mistress], I know you.”

“No, you don’t.”

He laughed. “He admitted it.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Oh yeah, he did.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Three years ago we were both in Cebu for a seminar. We had a few drinks and he asked about our classmates, especially you. He told me all about it. Apparently, he thinks of you as the one who got away.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah… So, are you going to admit it?”

“What else did he tell you?”

“Are you going to admit it first?”

“Okay, fine. He was my boyfriend for two years.”

“I knew it… So, was he any good?”

“Jake!”

“Hey, I’m curious. He was after all a notorious playboy and I’m sure, you know it.”

“I am sooo not going to answer that question.”

“Fine. I’m not going to tell you the rest of what he told me.”

“Fine, I’m not interested,” I answered back.

We were silent for a total of five minutes until the curiosity overcame me. “So, what did he tell you?”

He laughed. “I knew you’ll be curious.”

“Jake!”

“You were the nicest girlfriend he has ever had.”

Wow… “He said that?”

“Yeah. So, did you sleep with him?”

I ignored him and just grinned.

“Oh, you did!”

I continued grinning mysteriously as I scanned over the census files that I was supposed to be signing.

“So, how did it feel screwing the best surgeon of our hospital at that time? Was he any good? Did he have, like, a huge you know? He is short, after all. There was a rumor going around that he was a premature ejaculator or something.”

I laughed. “Jake! You know very well I never kiss and tell.”

“Oh, come on. He’s already married anyway, so what’s the big deal with telling me about it.”

“He’s divorced now.”

“Uh-oh… So, has he made his moves on you yet? Wait, aren’t you engaged with that guy you met from the gym? How is he, by the way?”

“Yes, yes, and he’s okay.”

He moved closer. “So, Michael has made his moves on you. Probably on the look-out for Wife Number Two. Hehehe,” he joked. “You’re not seeing him now, are you?”

“Jake! I am engaged.”

“Well, you are the master, after all.”

“Come on… I’m in my 30’s now. You know I don’t date more than one guy at the same time anymore. That was the past.”

“Too bad,” he answered. “A couple of the residents from Orthopaedics and Surgery think you’re hot,” he answered as he sat on the couch beside me.

I laughed. “You’re crazy. I don’t do that anymore.”

“I like to brag to my juniors that we used to sleep together in the community.”

“Yeah. Sleep together. In the real sense. At the same time. You in your foam bed, and me, in mine.”

“Yeah, well, they don’t need the clarification. Let them think what they want to think.”

I laughed. “You know, considering the fact that we always told each other the stories of our own mischiefs back then, I always wondered why you never made a move on me.”

“I wanted to. But I was always afraid you’d slap me if I kissed you.”

I laughed. “So you think I’m the violent type, huh?”

“Besides, you had this thing you kept telling me about you not liking classmates. I figured, you’ll probably hate me afterwards.”

“I won’t hate you.”

He looked at me intently. “Okay, maybe I should have tried this a long time ago.”

And then, he kissed me.

Back in medical school, to be perfectly honest, I’ve always been a little attracted to Jake. Of course, due to Janice’s own love-hate relationship with him, there was no way I was willing to make my moves on him. So whenever Jake flirted with me, I would always tell him that I don’t like dating classmates. That was the wall that I had put up in between us for all those many moments when the opportunities of us kissing were highly likely.

And now, five years after medical school, I was now accomplishing what should have been accomplished years ago. Not surprisingly, the effect wasn’t as great as it would have been originally. He was a great kisser and I now realize why some girls in the hospital were crazy about him, but still. Something was missing.

It felt like I was kissing my past.

“I am so going to tell this to my juniors,” Jake remarked, when we parted.

“You are not!”

“Oh come on. Aren’t you going to allow an old friend to have his fun?”

“Go to hell, Jake.”

“Come on, let’s make out infront of my juniors.”

“Jake!” I exclaimed.

“Or we can just get my cellphone and video it for them to see… Oh shoot! I forgot my phone at the ward? Where’s yours? We’ll use yours instead.”

I started laughing out loud.

“You kiss great, by the way. No wonder Michael’s all hung up on you.”

I laughed. “You’re still not getting my permission.”

“Just kidding, [Mistress]. That was just between you and me.”

“Good.”

He stood up from his seat. “I better get back to the ward. I was just supposed to get coffee in between my rounds but you definitely made it impossible for me to get out of here early.”

“Hey, Jake, I got the new volunteer nurse’s number, by the way.” A few weeks ago, during an Ortho consult, we bumped at the nurses’ station at my ward where he was staring to flirt with one of the new volunteer nurses at my ward. Just like old times, he then asked me to get her number for him.

“Don’t bother, we already went out last night, hehehe,” he replied, grinning sheepishly at me.

“Oooohhh… you still move fast.”

He just kept on grinning, as he plopped his mug at the sink and began heading for the door. “I’ll see you around, [Mistress]… Hey,” he called out from the doorway, “If you ever decide to leave Clark, inform me. I might just ask you out on a date.”

“Up yours, Jake.”

He threw his head back and laughed heartily as he walked back to his ward.

Oh, dear Lord.

Chapter Five

nd how is school, Dennis?” I asked my 8 year old Cerebral Palsy patient, as I checked on his reflexes with a neurohammer.

He sighed. “Fine, doctor. We’re starting with the multiplication tables and I’ve already memorized up to 6.”

“Except for that one episode of seizure a few days ago, he’s been really okay these past few months. He’s able to catch up with his classmates and he seems to be making a lot of friends. I really think mainstreaming him has been a good idea but my husband is having second thoughts because of that one episode,” Dennis’ mom remarked as she lovingly caressed her sons’ hair.

“I did warn you before that because of Dennis’ condition, he might be prone to such episodes but still, we have to rule out other possibilities. Did he have any fever?” I asked, as I auscultated his lungs with my stethoscope.

“Nope. He hasn’t really been sick at all since his last check-up a year ago.”

“Well, his lungs are clear and based on my physical examination, he doesn’t seem to have anything other than the CP. I’d like him to get a CBC anyway and a CT-Scan, just to be sure. In the meantime, I’d start him on some minor dose of Phenobarbitals and come back for a follow-up check-up as soon as you get the results of our diagnostics. Is that okay with you?”

“Sure, doctor.”

“Good. You give this prescription to the medical clerk and she’ll instruct you how Dennis should take his medicine.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“You’re welcome. Dennis, study hard, ha?”

“Yes, doctor.”

“See you in a few days.”

Mrs. Toralba and her son left the OPD room. It was now four PM. I was dead tired and looking forward to a relaxing movie night at home, curled up at the couch with Clark, after another hearty dinner he had decided to surprise me with. Well, I knew he was going to surprise me with one as soon as I get home. That’s how predictable he is. I peeped outside the OPD room, eager to see if Dennis was actually my last patient when I bumped into an old woman.

“Oh! I’m sorry! Are you my last patient?”

She grinned sheepishly. “Yes, ahmmm, this is embarrassing. I didn’t get a record.”

“Oh, well, ma’am. You should get a record first but I’m afraid they wouldn’t give you one now since it’s already four and—”

“Yes, well, my son… He, ahmm, just went to the CR for a while. He told me he knows you from way back and thus, refuses to make me see another doctor. We’re from Cagayan.”

I cringed. The thing about being in a hospital in Manila is that almost everybody from your hometown wants you to treat them, even if it wasn’t Neurosurgery related at all. I’ve had my share of my own distant relatives and old neighbors going to me and consulting about fractures, PTB and even clinical depression. “Oh. What’s your son’s name?”

“Geoff Eigenman.”

I turned around and couldn’t help laughing when I saw who the owner of the voice was. “Lee! You ass!”

Lee Dantes. The One Who Got Away.

I’ve always believed everybody has that one girl or guy who got away. The one who, years from now, will continue to occupy your thoughts and will make you wonder incessantly how you could have let that person go and how things between you could have been. Lee was that in my book.

I kissed him on the cheek and held his hand. As I stepped back, he pulled me close and gave me a very an affectionate hug. I was incredibly aware of his mother standing infront of us that I couldn’t help blushing so hard when he finally released me.

“This is my Mom. You remember her?”

“My God, Mrs. Dantes. I’m so sorry. I didn’t recognize you… That was such a long time ago.”

“That’s okay. You look great by the way. Didn’t you used to be quite chubby back then?”

I laughed. Funny how these guys from my past were suddenly popping into my life lately. Lee was technically not an ex-boyfriend but honestly, we did have a thing. He had a girlfriend and although I was also seeing someone, I was probably closer to him than to my own. Somehow, we just clicked and for so long, we both fought the urge of not falling madly for each other, by flirting shamelessly with each other and then taking it all back by the next hour. The relationship ended when he finally moved to the US for an immigration status as an ER nurse in a prestigious hospital in New Jersey.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Jersey?”

“I’m working in Seattle now. I got a one month leave so I’m here for a vacation. My mom got a few things she wanted to be checked out so I decided to bring her to the doctor.”

“What the hell are you doing here, Lee? You’re a USRN! I know very well you can afford to go to a private hospital!”

“It’s not my fault if the best neurosurgeon I know in Manila works in a public hospital.”

I smiled and looked at his mother. “Your son. Still a charmer.”

“Yes, I know. Takes after his dad.”

I laughed. “So, what can I do for you, Ma’am?”

“I underwent an aneurysmectomy about four years ago because of my highblood. Dr. Cuevas was the one who operated on me. I’ve been okay these past few years until a few months ago, I started to get on and off headaches.”

“How’s your blood pressure?”

“130/90, 140’s sometimes.”

“Do you get any vomiting? Nausea?”

“No. Just headaches. I’ve had my eye checked recently and the doctor prescribed new glasses but still, the headaches are there.”

“Any fever?”

“No.”

“How about flashes of light?”

“None.”

“Body weakness?”

“Nope.”

“Okay. I’m thinking maybe it’s just migraine but considering you did have some head surgery before, I’d suggest a CT Scan and some Blood Chem. In the meantime, I’ll prescribe some Indomethacin which you can take 3 times a day or as needed.”

“Okay.”

“Lee, bring your mom back to me once you get the test results, okay?”

“Yeah sure. [Mistress], can I get your number in case anything else comes through?”

I smiled. “Yeah, sure,” I then wrote my number on the back of his mother’s prescription and gave it to him.

His mother tapped me on the shoulder. “Doctora, where’s the nearby comfort room? I’ve been wanting to pee since we got here but Lee wouldn’t let me because we might miss you if we left for the comfort room.”

“Ah, you can use the doctor’s comfort room. It’s right inside,” I told her as I pointed to the staff toilet. She then proceeded to go to the toilet and I was left alone with Lee in the confines of the examination room.

Suddenly, the room seemed so much smaller.

“So, here we are again,” he remarked, grinning at me.

I smiled. God, Lee was just as good-looking as ever. I can’t believe I’m really seeing him after all these years. To be honest, I was inlove with him but it was something that I never had the courage to tell him. I was afraid of rejection so much, was afraid of losing what semblance of a relationship that we had, that I was content hiding all those feelings just to continue sharing what we had. Even when Clark came into my life, I knew that I was still harboring these feelings for Lee. We just had this great chemistry that I never found in any other guy. He made me laugh, he made me happy, he accepted me for who I am and allowed me to continue being who I was. He liked me even when I wasn’t feeling beautiful, even when I was feeling like I was incredibly chubby. He was like my bestfriend. I could tell him anything, rave to him over what mundane frustration in my life, even cry infront of him. And he was always there, making me laugh despite the tears, offering me his shoulder or his arms to hold on to, getting me drunk so that for a few hours I would forget that I was ever unhappy, giving me the support that other people couldn’t give me. I was inlove but I hid it so well that too many times I cried whenever we fought, but continued to smile at him the next day. It wasn’t until he left for the States that I started channeling all my energies to falling for Clark.

And I thought I was finally over Lee.

But seeing him now, it just made me think. Was I really over him?

“Lee, there’s something I should have told you years ago but I didn’t. I know it probably wouldn’t mean anything to you by now but—“

“I know, [Mistress].”

“What?

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“You know?”

“Yes. And before you say it, I’m just going to stop you, before you embarrass both of us. I know you’re engaged. Even when I was in the States, I kept asking my friends in Cagayan about you so I knew who you’re dating, who you’re seeing, who your boyfriend was at that time. Everytime I went back to the Philippines, I had to stop myself from seeing you because everytime I went home, you were always already with a boyfriend. I didn’t want to come in between you and the guy because I couldn’t be who you were in my life when I was still with my girlfriend then. I wasn’t as strong as you were. So, I stayed in the background. One time in Cagayan, we almost bumped into each other but I decided to go off the other way since you were with your boyfriend then, and he was hugging you very affectionately. A couple months ago, before I went back home, I stopped by in this hospital and asked about you. That’s when I found out you were engaged. So, finally, I decided to move on. I just got married last month.”

Do you know the feeling of being stabbed in the chest by ten thousand knives all at the same time? That was how I felt then. I couldn’t believe it. He felt the same thing for me and didn’t tell me. All those wasted years…

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you?” he asked me back.

“I was afraid.”

“Don’t you think I was afraid too?”

We simply looked at each other then, both regretting the time that we had let pass, the words that we had left unsaid, the past that we can never get back again. Why the hell was I such a coward back then? We were very good friends and I knew that if I told him what I felt, whatever the consequences, he will never have made me feel embarrassed about it. We were that comfortable with each other. Still, I couldn’t do it then, and in the process, lost him forever.

“I have to go, Lee. Just tell your mother I’ll go ahead and I’ll see her back here when you have the test results,” I told him, hurriedly collecting my purse. I just wanted to get out of the place. Right now.

Somehow, I felt like I was suffocating.

I was halfway towards the door when Lee grabbed my hand, “[Mistress], wait,”

He turned me around and kissed me. It was the most bittersweet kiss I have ever had in my life. I lost myself then and there. I knew that if I stayed here and continued this that I wasn’t gonna be the same person that I am now. Because Lee was the love of my life. And he will always be that way to me, no matter what happens between us.

I knew that I had to go.

Now. Before it’s too late.

I started to walk away but he was still holding my hand. “[Mistress], I—“

I stopped on my tracks but did not dare face him. The tears were already falling down my cheeks.

“Don’t, Lee. You’ll ruin it.”

And I fled, leaving Lee standing there, watching the distance between us expand until I was nothing but a faceless blob amongst the hospital crowd.

Chapter Six

h, [Mistress], you’re here.”

I hugged Joel, Clark’s bodyguard, and smiled, “Is he almost done?”

“I think so. Did you tell him you were coming?”

“No. It was a spur of the moment thing.”

“I think he’s at the benches. You just go in ahead.”

“Thanks.”

I had decided to drop by the gym where I knew Clark was working out at this time of the hour. When I stepped inside, I was greeted by the other gym regulars whom I occasionally worked out with and knew that I was Clark’s girlfriend.

“Doctora! You working out today?” Drew, one the regulars, asked as he passed by.

“Not today, Drew. Where’s Clark?”

“Doing curl-ups. Hey, Clark!” he called out.

Clark was holding a 15 pound dumbbell right then, doing a set of curl-ups, but when he saw me, he grinned, immediately put the dumbbell down and went towards me, unaware of how seductively those drops of sweat were falling from his hot masculine body… The one thing you can never find fault from Clark was his amazing body. He had been working out for more than ten years and it showed in every inch of his perfectly toned and buffed body. I don’t know if he was just putting me on the pedestal too much or he was deliberately doing it but sometimes, he seemed very unaware of how certain mannerisms of him were enough to make me feel hot. But I was always too scared to destroy what pristine image he had of me – plus, the fact that we always had two of his bodyguards, coming with us during our dates – that it was only until I had moved in with him a year ago that we started sleeping together.

“Hey, baby, you’re here!” he said, but not before kissing me quickly on the lips, much to the other gym regulars’ amusement.

I blushed. “I got off work early.”

“You didn’t tell me you were coming. I could have asked Joel to pick you up.”

“No, it’s okay.” I’ve always felt slightly unnerved about Clark’s wealth. I’ve never gone out with someone as high profile as he was, and certainly not, with two bodyguards always around with us. It took me some time before I stopped feeling awkward and began being comfortable enough around him.

“I’m almost done here. Why don’t you wait at the car while I change, okay? Just give me ten minutes.”

“Okay.”

“Kiss me, first before you go,” he said, grinning mischievously as he refused to let go of my hand.

“Clark! People are watching,” I told him as I tried to bury myself behind his massive chest.

“So? You’re my fiancée.”

“Kaw talaga…”

“Come on,” he encouraged, as he expertly dipped me and planted a superbly long kiss in my lips while we were in the middle of the work-out area… He was a very good kisser so I had no choice but to enjoy it, as the people around us began hooting and clapping.

“Lagot ka sa’kin mamaya,” I whispered to his ear as he finally helped me upright.

He winked. “No, ikaw ang lagot sa akin mamaya,” he answered, grinning at me roguishly.

Clark loved me. I knew that. He wasn’t perfect, he had a tendency to be very controlling and I wasn’t always 100% comfortable with him but he loved me. He wasn’t the love of my life as Lee was but I know that I loved him as well.

So, I have finally decided to move on.

I had made the right decision to be with him. Finally, I could be happy. I’m willing to move on. None of the others mattered, David, Michael, Jake, even Lee… they were nothing but life experiences I simply had to pass through to get to where I am now, here, in the arms of someone who loved me, where I was actually meant to be.

I was still smiling as I walked downstairs toward his car, eager to wait for him, the man I love, the man I was finally going to marry.

Goodbye, Lee… I will always love you.

At 36 years old, the exciting adventures of [Mistress], the constant dater, had finally ended.

*** All aspects of this fictional short story is a mere figment of the author’s imagination. Despite the fact that the characters were based from people she has known in the past, names and places were changed to protect their privacy. Kindly refrain from thinking that the incidents in this story are actual reflections of her real life. This is merely a fictional, I repeat, a FICTIONAL short story.