What to Expect After A Break-Up
My latest obsession is blogging. I have been writing for three years now through another blog as (*bleep,* name withheld) but friends, ex-boyfriends, guys I’ve dated and doctors I’ve worked with know me through that site and sometimes, there are just things I want to rant about but can’t because:
a) I don’t want to hurt their feelings
b) I don’t want them to have a bad impression of me
c) I would like to think that I am different from most girls I knew.
As a result, I have decided to start this blog, in the hopes of getting my well-needed time to detoxify myself and simply lose myself with bloggers amongst the world wide web.
Minus the guilt. The fear. And all the crap that goes with it.
On that note, I have been happily reading through other blogs (see bloglist) and have found a lot of useful material for my own blog. Take for example, Dating Dummy who once referenced an article from Men’s Health regarding break-ups.
WHAT TO EXPECT AFTER A BREAK-UP
1 day after (the protest stage):
He is more likely to funnel negative emotions into physical aggression. She cries her eyes out.
1 week after (the obsession stage):
He broods and tries to recover by doing things with peers, not by talking it out. She justifies, settling in with friends, relying on their close social network to talk about their breakups. All of the guy’s flaws are exposed and talked about. This is how her friends will see you from now on. Expect icy glares and cold shoulders.
1 month after (worst is over stage):
Interestingly, this part says that the dumpee recovers and is generally as mentally happy as they were when they were in the relationship. He ends up trying to pursue his ex at least once. She blames herself and misses the guy. Keeping one’s distance is highly recommended.
6 months (acceptance stage):
You realize you’ve hit acceptance when you go a whole week not thinking of the other person. He returns to a state of equilibrium and becomes emotionally available again to date. She seeks closure.
I on the other hand, have a somewhat similar coping mechanism after a break-up. I give myself two weeks to cry (I usually don’t last two weeks, more like one week of bawling and one week of looking teary-eyed) and then, 1 month for all the depression drama: the constant looking at your cellphone every 5 seconds or so, the wishing it was him everytime the phone rings, the frequent checking people out in crowds hoping you’ll accidentally bump into him, etc). And then, I am ready to move on.
— For my good friend, JaneDoe.
The Diary of The Other Woman
There is no other word to call it.
I am his other woman.
Neither am I his first nor is he mine. Yet, we have chosen to play the role for quite some time now.
I am not proud of what I am. Nor do I suppose that he is of what we’re doing. But this was something that we knew just had to happen. The feelings that have developed between us — it was a nice surprise and a tragedy at the same time. I cannot label what we have as “love” but rather something akin to it. I cannot assume that he is inlove with me for I suppose, if he faced up to the fact that he did, there would be expectations that neither of us can fulfill.
I don’t want him to leave his wife nor did he make me believe that he would. To do so would make me feel like I was making an even bigger transgression against God, as if having an affair with him already wasn’t enough.
For now, we are together. I have to be content with the scraps he was willing to give my way – the kisses in between classes, the secret rendezvous at the third floor of my building, the daily text messaging whenever his wife wasn’t around, the short vacations together.
For now, that was enough.
