She Must Have Had Sixth Sense That He Was Cheating On Her
[Mistress] Midge s hir… Surprse vsit agen.. dnt tx, il tx u.. mis u. M so sori.Seriously, I have got to break things off with Philip.
I’m halfway to a possible depression. If he’s in town, we can’t see nor communicate with each other, if not for the occasional times that he’s in school for presentations and classes. If he’s out of town, his wife keeps visiting him and we still can’t text with each other. I’m in a lose-lose situation. My friends are starting to think that I’m making my boyfriend up, seeing that they haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him.
I am SOO getting the wrong end of the deal here.
I remember one time when I had skipped a few days of class to visit him outside town. We spent the day cooped up in this inexpensive hotel, most likely capturing the interest of the local gossip mill among the hotel staff. We didn’t care. It just felt great to finally spend some quality time with each other, away from everybody, outside the range of the judging eyes of friends and acquaintances.
“I can’t believe you’re really here,” he said.
“I know. I can’t believe it myself.”
“I seriously missed you.”
“Me too.”
“And I’m really glad that you’re finally here.”
I just kissed him in reply.
It was nice to finally be with Philip. He made me laugh a lot and we found plenty of things to talk about. I found out he was a channel surfer as well and like me, he would barely spend more than five minutes on one channel, before he decides to switch to another one. I found out how wordly and knowledgeable he was regarding current events. I, on the other hand, had a faux pas regarding Hillary Clinton running for presidency. I also found out he loved wrestling shows and never tired of watching them… Okay, so I hate those kinds of shows. I guess that just means he’s not perfect.
We didn’t sleep together that night but he stayed with me until late before heading back to his own boarding house. We had plans to do the next day, places he wanted to show me, and I was looking forward for his duty to end so that he’ll finally be free to come back to the hotel with me.
As I returned from my grocery shopping, I was told by the receptionist that Philip had already taken our room key and was already inside. I knocked on the door and made sure that I had a big smile on my face when he opened it.
When I saw his face, I knew that there was something wrong.
“Did you get my message?”
“No. Why? What’s wrong?”
“Midge’s coming today. Surprise visit.”
I sighed and wearily put the grocery bags on the bed.
“Okay…”
There was really nothing more to say. I couldn’t get mad because who would receive the brunt of my anger? Philip? For what? He didn’t force me to be with him. I went into this knowing what I was getting into. Midge? She was the wife. She had the right to visit him whenever she pleased. If I had to get mad, I would have to get mad at my own self. There was always the possibility that something like this might happen. I knew that. I should have been more prepared for this. Therefore, I AM to blame for the own tragedy of our situation. I AM the other woman who has entangled herself in their web. I AM the outsider. I am the WHORE.
So, I took a deep breath and managed to fake a happy face for Philip.
“Hey, we still have a few hours together. Let’s not waste it on depressing thoughts that we have no control of.”
He hugged me. “I’m so sorry about this. It’s my fault.”
“We knew there always the chance that something like this might happen anyway. And now it did. We can’t really do anything more about it. And we’ll just be wasting our time thinking about it. Let’s just enjoy what little time we have left together.”
For the next hour, we tried to forget about everything else and just lost ourselves in each other. Afterwards, I made him leave a little earlier than he was supposed to. As I closed the door behind him, the tears I have managed to hold back a while ago finally fell down furiously down my cheeks.
And I finally cried for the love I didn’t possess for the umpteenth time.
Confronting Your Monsters
This was more, for my own personal sake, rather than his.
I feared for my life.
I feared for my name, my family, my career and my reputation.
I was afraid that Midge would start stalking me and finally, go to my place of work and yell obscenities to my face infront of a lot of people. Personally, I hate confrontations. A couple times, I had fights with ex-boyfriends that ended with me either walking out on the guy or faking crying just so he’ll take pity on me and stop fighting with me. I wasn’t brave enough for face to face confrontations.
I was a coward, I admit.
A cheater who couldn’t bear to face consequences.
So I told him about what his wife did. And like a man caught with his pants down, there was really nothing he could say that would make me feel better. All the “I’m so sorrys,” the “I didn’t want you to find out this way,” the “Just when I was falling for yous…” couldn’t take back the fact that he was after all, MARRIED.
And unavailable.
I wanted to scream at him, give him a tongue-lashing that he will never forget, slap him so hard for putting me in a position I swore I would never get into. But I chose not to. The choice was still up to me as to whether we should still go through what we had then. I was afraid but I was also partially bored with my dating life. I wasn’t inlove with him and I wasn’t particularly sure about how he felt about me back then. But I figured, I needed the excitement anyway and if the only choice was a man who understood me so well and was almost perfect, except for the fact that he was married, then, so be it. I figured, this won’t last that long anyway, give or take two weeks.
I think I could still handle that.
So, I stuck with him. With the premise that he will be more careful about keeping me a secret.
Only I had underestimated the factor that feelings gradually do develop through time.
Somewhere along the line, I found myself thinking about him more, even when I didn’t want to. I found myself rejecting dates with other people and looking forward to the next time I see him. And there was always effort from his part. I told him never to text me whenever Midge was around but somehow, he would find time to do so, never missing a day that he wouldn’t let me know that he was thinking about me. We planned trips, vacations and many times I hear him planning a future with me.
I just smile at him fondly when he does that.
Truth is, I don’t want to believe that we might have a future. I don’t want to delude myself into thinking we’re inlove with each other. I am still afraid of falling inlove with him, that is, if I already haven’t. He never asked me if I was. It was enough for me that he was giving me what I needed.
Friendship.
Support.
Passion.
And affection.
And it seemed that it was enough for him that I was there for him.
- Why the hell couldn’t I lash out at him? -
Finding Out About His Wife
I found out about Philip’s wife by accident. I told a gay friend of mine, Georgia, that he and I have been seeing each other. He was happy for me, since it had been quite some time since he saw a certain twinkle in my eye, but he told me to be careful. He wasn’t sure though but an old friend of his came from the same hometown as Philip. Like any other small hometown where everybody knows everybody’s business, it was no secret that he had a wife. I was flabbergasted, shocked that he had the nerve to do this to me but at the same time, I wanted to give Philip the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was hoping he and the wife had separated. Maybe I was hoping that Georgia was just a mean gossip, jealous of my own happiness. Maybe I was hoping that it wasn’t true. So I kept the information tucked at the back of my mind, continued seeing Philip, pretending as if I didn’t know.
Oh, yes, there were times I wanted to broach the topic with him. A few times, I joked with him to greet his three wives for me. That had always been my style, to hide under the humor, the half-meant jokes, and the veiled laughter. I refused to face facts, hated confrontations and preferred pretending that reality doesn’t exist.
I was contented to live in my own perverted version of reality.
Until the day his wife requested to add me through my Friendster.
My Friendster profile is private. Before anybody can view my complete profile, he/she had to request for my permission. I have decided to keep my profile private because of certain people from my past that I wanted to stay away from. When I first saw Midge on the request list, I didn’t think much of it. I thought of her as probably a girl from my gradeschool days who remembered me or a friend of a friend. Imagine my surprise when I clicked Midge’s pic and saw her with Philip and their one-year-old son.
I could have walked away from my laptop then. Walk away and pretend I didn’t saw anything. One click and I could have pretended Philip was still the same person I first knew. But somehow, I found myself reluctantly attracted to the photos, clicking their pictures together one by one, like a show I couldn’t get myself to stop watching.
At the end of the day, I could no longer deny the truth.
I HAD BEEN SEEING A MARRIED MAN.
